HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF A MENTORING RELATIONSHIP
I am sure we instinctively ‘know’ that Mentoring programs should be beneficial; but what do they really involve, and what is the purpose or likely outcome?
Equally, how many of you have been involved in a formal Mentoring program through either work or a professional association and found it started to flounder after the first two sessions? Usually the reason given is ‘being too busy to meet’ but in my experience it is often due to lack of direction, chemistry mismatch, poor training and/or lack of ownership.
Having just been selected to be a mentor for the Rare Birds program (thank you and I can’t wait to get started with my mentee, Jackie!), I was reflecting on my experience having designed and being involved in such programs in both roles and how people can get the most of these opportunities.
Firstly, I think where many programs initially fall down is over-engineering them. A bit like performance review processes, despite the best of intentions, the number of times I have seen very detailed documents with rigid policies, processes and rules is incredible. It makes the Mentor and Mentee feel like it is yet another ‘HR compliance process’ and reduces the energy and excitement before the relationship has even begun.
My advice is to keep it simple, make the matches thoughtfully and provide a framework for people that clarifies purpose, responsibilities, suggested discussion guidelines and timeframe for the relationship. And then hand the relationship over to the Mentor and Mentee with just the occasional support and check-in step to assess the value.
So, what might a simple internal Mentoring program involve?
Why are we doing this?
Understand that the purpose is to develop the skills of the Mentee, and in many instances, possibly even the Mentor (ie Reverse or even Peer-to-Peer Mentoring; usually across generations, geographies or functional areas).
It is not to help you get the next role (this is the role of a Sponsor) and should have nothing to do with the Mentee’s performance appraisal process – indeed it should be kept confidential to ensure trust.
Who should it involve
Ideally the Mentor should be in a different business unit altogether so has no influence over appraisals or remuneration decisions.
When making a match, there should be a specific gap or development area to address that the other party has strength in; such as ability to develop and execute a strategic vision, or how to motivate and engage your team through periods of large-scale change, or how to operate successfully in Asia for the first time.
When and where should they meet?
Meeting face to face in a neutral setting is best, but any connection works eg. Zoom, phone etc. The critical thing is for both parties to commit to the agreed time (ie. no multiple meeting moves!) and show up prepared to get the most out of the time you have together. Respect each other’s time and value.
I would suggest it is the responsibility of the Mentee to own the meeting arrangements. They also should own the in between discussions and follow up. If a Mentor has agreed to work with you, believe that they would rather hear from you even outside of scheduled meetings if you need help and support. They also want to hear about your wins too!
What should we discuss?
After the first one or two ‘tell me about your career journey’ and ‘what do you hope to achieve through mentoring’ meetings, this is where mentoring relationships can often fall over and drift apart.
Again, the onus on maximising the time together rests with the Mentee – they need to have done their assigned homework from the previous session and come armed with clear areas for discussion for the next one to ensure they achieve the outcome agreed in the first session.
Equally however, the Mentor is most welcome to take the lead in shaping the direction for the conversation by setting tasks and things for the Mentee to reflect on. This is especially helpful if the Mentee is fairly early in their career.
Enter with a spirit of openness
Often there may be quite a significant power differential between the parties, so it is important to quickly foster a sense of trust, approachability and confidentiality between both parties.
The Mentor will most likely set the tone for this, so ensure that there is warmth and genuine desire to help the other party succeed from the first minute. Also, be very clear that the content of the discussions will not be shared with the Mentee’s manager so they can feel comfortable with full disclosure and sharing areas of vulnerability.
Equally, the Mentee will be trusted with confidential information, either commercially sensitive or perhaps personal shares such as failures the Mentor has experienced and it is expected that this is kept within the relationship.
What if it just doesn’t work and is a mismatch?
There’s no shame if the relationship doesn’t work out but should be addressed sooner than later. Don’t just ghost the other party! Have a frank discussion with each other to agree and then go back to the co-ordinator of the program to let them know and discuss next steps.
Both parties will find that they gain from being involved in such a relationship in terms of building skills but also in finding a confidante and coach – and whilst some relationships may be short-term (just a few meetings to address a specific need); they often flourish into something that lasts well beyond the immediate need and even the organisational context of the formal program for many years.
Keen to find out more about how you can benefit by being a Mentor or Mentee? Please contact The Acquire Group HERE to start a discussion.
